The Advice given by My Parent Which Rescued Us as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth quickly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - going on a couple of days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."