🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American psychotherapist focusing on treating sexual disorders.